My co-worker and I met in Los Angelas. He is married and has a 10-year old son. My co-worker and I have feeling for each other when we first met. We just didn't say it out.
That project ended very quickly (only lasted for 1 month) so we separated. After about 2 months, he got a project in San Francisco. I asked him if I can help out on his project and he brought me into the project!
We were happy to see each other again. We talked a lot and he told me that he and his wife don't have a good relationship at all. If they didn't have kid, they would have already got divorced. We had dinner almost every night.
He and I worked in San Francisco. After about 4 months, we started dating. We had lots of great and sweet time together. In the meantime, sometimes, he would tell me that I should not get too involved into this relationship because I would get hurt. He said he won't give up his son. Also, if he keeps loving me, he couldn't put his heart into his family 100%. It could affect his family sooner or later. He said, "I love you a lot and I don't love my wife anymore but I do care about my whole family, especially my son. Why don't we take a step back now? I know it takes time for both of us to adjust the change."
I was sad and after that conversation, we still continued dating. However, after 1 month of dating, my San Francisco project came to an end. Both of us tried to find other local projects for me but nothing is available at that point. I got assigned to another project in a different location -- which means we don't see each other anymore.
At first, he still called or SMS me almost every day saying he missed me a lot. However, after about 3 weeks, he stopped contacting me. Nowadays, whenever I IM him or txt him, he and I still be able to talk happily. However, if I don't contact him, he would not contact me at all.
He is still working in San Francisco. Next week, I will go to San Francisco to visit him. At first, he told me not to come because he would be busy at work (I think this is just an excuse of NOT seeing me). Then, I emailed him and said, "I don't want to bring you trouble so I will rent a hotel in San Francisco. And I won't see you in San Francisco since you will be busy." Then, not sure if he felt guilty or other reasons, after a weekend, he changed his mind and said that I can come to San Francisco to visit him and stay in his apartment for the weekend.
Honestly, I am not sure if his mind might change again. I realize that this person changes his mind a lot. He changes his mind on lots of things, not only to me. One thing for sure is: he really loved me when we were in San Francisco. However, out of sight, out of mind, I am not sure if he is still loving me anymore? I really want to continue with this long-distance relationship with him. I know sooner or later, he and I will be able to work together again (if he is willing to bring me to another project with him). However, at this point, I am not sure if he still wants to see me or work with me anymore?
If I don't contact him anymore, he will eventually forget me. Should I continue to contact him? I guess if I keep doing this, will he get scared or troublesome or feel pressure and will avoid me?
I do notice that if I txt him, he would still reply and call me. However, I feel like I have to kick him in order to move!
I know he won't get divorce, all I want is to keep a great friendship or keep this current relationship. However, he mentioned that he felt guilty every time after we had sex. (Every time, he is the one who initiates it though.)
One funny thing is: he said he feels great kissing me but he doesn't want to go more than that, meaning no sex. Does it mean he still loves his wife? Or does it mean he doesn't love me?
Thank you for your advice.