忘掉這個無謂人 – 覆Evelin

Hi Zita,

My co-worker and I met in Los Angelas. He is married and has a 10-year old son. My co-worker and I have feeling for each other when we first met. We just didn't say it out.

That project ended very quickly (only lasted for 1 month) so we separated. After about 2 months, he got a project in San Francisco. I asked him if I can help out on his project and he brought me into the project!

We were happy to see each other again. We talked a lot and he told me that he and his wife don't have a good relationship at all. If they didn't have kid, they would have already got divorced. We had dinner almost every night.

He and I worked in San Francisco. After about 4 months, we started dating. We had lots of great and sweet time together. In the meantime, sometimes, he would tell me that I should not get too involved into this relationship because I would get hurt. He said he won't give up his son. Also, if he keeps loving me, he couldn't put his heart into his family 100%. It could affect his family sooner or later. He said, "I love you a lot and I don't love my wife anymore but I do care about my whole family, especially my son. Why don't we take a step back now? I know it takes time for both of us to adjust the change."

I was sad and after that conversation, we still continued dating. However, after 1 month of dating, my San Francisco project came to an end. Both of us tried to find other local projects for me but nothing is available at that point. I got assigned to another project in a different location -- which means we don't see each other anymore.

At first, he still called or SMS me almost every day saying he missed me a lot. However, after about 3 weeks, he stopped contacting me. Nowadays, whenever I IM him or txt him, he and I still be able to talk happily. However, if I don't contact him, he would not contact me at all.

He is still working in San Francisco. Next week, I will go to San Francisco to visit him. At first, he told me not to come because he would be busy at work (I think this is just an excuse of NOT seeing me). Then, I emailed him and said, "I don't want to bring you trouble so I will rent a hotel in San Francisco. And I won't see you in San Francisco since you will be busy." Then, not sure if he felt guilty or other reasons, after a weekend, he changed his mind and said that I can come to San Francisco to visit him and stay in his apartment for the weekend.

Honestly, I am not sure if his mind might change again. I realize that this person changes his mind a lot. He changes his mind on lots of things, not only to me. One thing for sure is: he really loved me when we were in San Francisco. However, out of sight, out of mind, I am not sure if he is still loving me anymore? I really want to continue with this long-distance relationship with him. I know sooner or later, he and I will be able to work together again (if he is willing to bring me to another project with him). However, at this point, I am not sure if he still wants to see me or work with me anymore?

If I don't contact him anymore, he will eventually forget me. Should I continue to contact him? I guess if I keep doing this, will he get scared or troublesome or feel pressure and will avoid me?

I do notice that if I txt him, he would still reply and call me. However, I feel like I have to kick him in order to move!

I know he won't get divorce, all I want is to keep a great friendship or keep this current relationship. However, he mentioned that he felt guilty every time after we had sex. (Every time, he is the one who initiates it though.)

One funny thing is: he said he feels great kissing me but he doesn't want to go more than that, meaning no sex. Does it mean he still loves his wife? Or does it mean he doesn't love me?

Thank you for your advice.

Evelin



你這個情況,稱不上是二奶,你只不過是他的一段短暫婚外情對象。

曾經,他帶給過你浪漫的回憶。而你要知道,你只能得到那麼多。

男人是會願意對婚外情對象浪漫細心的,男人希望能從婚外情得到性,也同時候得到浪漫的感覺。這就叫做玩浪漫。

而男人也有這項特殊技能:他們總能對短暫情緣收放自如。

皆因,他在初初與你開始時,已經把你設定為短暫情人的類別,當他品嚐過你後,玩夠浪漫後,就會要你走。

如今,你要清醒起來,明白你們這段不是愛情,而是短暫的婚外情關係。若然你喜歡,你可以把這段關係稱為霧水情緣。

讓我告訴你,若然一個男人愛上你,他會做甚麼。他會常常主動關心你,他會給你傳很多很多的甜言蜜語;他會常常主動約會你,無論你住在多遠,他都會去找你;當你生病時,他會緊張得要死;當你說掛念他時,他會極速跑到你身邊,讓你不必因為掛念他而受苦。

這個男人,你再主動獻幾多次身都無用,他對你的感覺都不會提昇。你依然是那個他棄用了的情慾對象。

你對他動了真情,所以暫時抽不到身。但不必怕,只要你認識了真正能發展的對象後,你就會忘掉這個無謂人。

深雪覆