Jackie and I knew each other almost 20 years. He's used to be my brother's high school friend in Hong Kong and by the time he came to Sydney for studies, he lived with us for almost 3 years. At that time we went to colleague (college) every day, laughing at home and he pick me up from my work place at night (part-time). At that time I already have steady boy friend but we always feel that we have special feeling in between us. He moved out from our place when he got into university. We're still keep in contact but not much chance to meet him and at that time he got a girl friend and I just found out that he used about one years to chase that girl (his wife now) because she told him he need to complete his university studies before she's going to accept him otherwise he's not qualify to her.
We both get married and both got one child and we never think of we have a chance together but I am sure of that we both suffering unhappy marriage. We have been together for 3 months. We're in love just like a puppy love and we talk and email everyday and we found out that we both have very similar interest and we can talk everything. He will make me a cake on valentine day and making our photo CD. He always says to me whenever he spend time with me he feel very warm and we could say and do anything and share our happy and sad things. During that time he told his mum & his sister about our relationship. When his wife found out at the first time and his wife told him she will hate him for her entire life and will not let him to see his daughter and I told him "You have no choice, even though if we have a chance together but you will regret about your daughter? I told him love is not something to hold, it's something to give! He promised his wife but he still contact me again and says he really wants to see me and I am still loving him...but I know he will never give up his family but I am just hopeless to accept him again even though we both have a clear mind that we should back to our own family because we have no future at all and we trying so many time to separate but always fail at the end. At that time I feel very guilty to my husband and I have to make a firm decision therefore I told him we shouldn't continue our relationship because we're so selfish to continue to hurt our partner. He told me that " We have been waiting for 10-20 years being together and finally we can say "I love you" to each other and our dream came true even our love story only last for three month but I never ever forget and I will be his last woman in his life and forever in his heart."
I am trying to control myself not to pick up his call but he told me that at least he can talk to me over the phone and he feel that I am still beside him. He also wrote me letter saying to me "He's a coward because he don't has enough brave to give up his family but he's so glad that at least after 20 years he can found someone who? really understanding him and he feel very sorry to me because I always making him breakfast, lunch and I can do a lot for him but he only can make me a cake at valentine time.
Just 2 days after, my terrible memories started - His wife found out we still in contact and she came to my home and smash me on my face. She went to my office and stick the post-it around the lift areas. I know she wants to make sure my colleagues won't miss the chance to see it. She wants to ruin my reputation and she told me she will make me to loose my job. She also scold my mum saying I am a bitch and seduce her husband. She called her mother-in law and force Jackie told them I am a bitch and seduce him. On the same day they both came to my unit and I asked my brother for help and when my brother asking him who's the one to make the first move and I have been waiting for his answer in my laundry but my tears has fell down on my face because his answer is "Stephanie". My brother called me and let me know there is blood stained full of his faces. They both left my unit and Jackie called on my mobile and left me a message "Actually, I never love you and just playing you? On the same evening he left me 13 anxiety messages and I was so shock. (He was saying I am a bitch, I have no moral & cheap, I have no hip, no buss (bust). He don't love me please don't disturb him anymore. I just have fun with you because I love playing. I have been "brain wash" him. He really hated me. I picked him because I want to revenge my husband for treat me badly. He mixed up in between friendship and love.)
When I back in office I decided return it the speaker under my desk and I decided to send it back to him. I don't want to owe him even one cent. One week later, he sent me back the stuff by courier and when the envelope opened I saw all the CD, tie, my photo, golf glove and our first Christmas gift "Golf Clock" I hold it on my hand and my tears has fallen again and re-called my memories he told me he really love this golf clock and now return like rubbish to me. He didn't send me back the valentine gift (card, key-ring with our photo inside and a teddy bear). He told me he lost it. He continue to hurt me because he even wrote me a letter to insult me, the letter saying "My wife is right and you are really a bitch to me and I am nearly lost my wife, my daughter and my lovely family? And now he found that he value me just a toy. He don't understand why he was so idiot to stay with the women who are short, no figures and 40 years old with a daughter and now he is really awake and he realized that his wife is the only person who care of him and love him so much. He told his wife everything even a chair where we sit and he also told his wife I force him to wrote that letter to me and the photo CD...etc? After reading his insult letter, I feel like someone just punched me in the guts. I blamed myself to giving he this chance to set up a game and I am so silly & foolish to think that after 20 years we really find someone to understand us most. I hated myself most because I found that I am so dirty have been with him.
I really want to revenge for what he done it to me but finally I did nothing because I am not allow myself to do such a things and I do not want to learn it from him & his wife. I know one day I can cancel the debt that is owed me and find the way out of forgiving. I know when the day is come I can release the anger to God and trust him to handle justice towards him.
Zita, thanks for your patient to finish reading my story and hopefully you might understand what I am trying to. I wonder why he betrayed me and left me without a word of explanation. My question is:
Can you tell me some advice does Jackie really a treat me playing?
How come when I ask my cousin call him on the 23/5 and I just simply want to find out did he have any reason behind but he actually told his wife I am calling him and his wife immediately call & scold on me. Did he really hate me?
I met him on a train twice but he didn't see me when a train approaches my station and I saw him turn his way & turn his head to search the people who? get off from the train. Do you think he searching of me? I know you will say I am silly but before he used to be email me while on his way to work and saying to me "next station is Burwood, were you here? Silly man?"
Did he really saw me on the other day when I met him on the street and quickly I bend down my head, we both just passing through and my tears just fell down on my face?
How come after five month later his wife faked my name and email to his husband says that "I miss him and want to talk to him again?" and Jackie just forwarded this email to his wife. The email address she faked is very similar with the one when Jackie created two yahoo hotmail accounts for us. Do you think Jackie realized that the emails actually from his wife?
His wife found the excuse to abuse me again. I was so angry for that email. On the email. she told my husband her husband has told her the whole things. I am the one who insist to go to Jackie's hotel and insist to buy him a drink. And said I loved him and kiss him and Jackie said this is not right but I said doesn't matter because I love him so much and Jackie also said I have nothing that attracted to him except my mouth and he believes I also having oral sex with my bosses or else I have no qualification to work there. He said I forced him to come to my office to pick me up. Raymond said he was very surprise that I just trick my husband like he is dead long time ago. He feels sorry for my husband sometime. Jackie also told her I was told him my husband cannot fulfill me in bed and I doesn't have feeling with my husband anymore & every time I did it I feels like chicken/whore to my husband. Raymond also said I told Jackie when is my save period and ask Jackie to book for a hotel and I told Jackie he can use my husband's condom. Is it true? Is it all this from Jackie? If so, in what circumstance when did he told his wife and how come he changed the whole stories?
Do you think he's really lost the valentine gift?
Zita, I am so confused for that, hopefully you can give me some advice. I am so sorry my story and questions are so long and a bit complicated and I do wish you can understand my meaning. I suppress a lot in my feeling because I can't show my depress in front of my family and I don't feel that fair to them. This is my fault and I should be the one who penalize.
I am looking forward to hear from you. Thanks!