Secondhand man – 覆Mich

Hi Zita,

Have read through many of love
articles and your reply. They are very meaningful and kind of a hands-on
approach. Please give me advise on my relationship because I am worrying
and put it aside when I really have to think deep in.

I've been with my bf for nearly a year

now. Met him through a good
friend of mine. When I first met him I didn't know that he was married.
At that stage we were real friends only but knowing I got a crush on
him already, and from his reaction it seems like he is chasing me then.
After seeing him a few times, he told me straight away he was married,
thank god my friend told me that 1 day before. (After I found out he
was married, I was gonna let go and forget about it). But...I couldn't
control myself falling for him.

I've stop myself from seeing him, try to make others plans but still.
Then we had this serious talk, he said his marriage is ending soon.
Because his wife have said divoice (devoice) twice within 6 years of
marriage. He told me he had enough of her, because she never get involve
in any of his family, himself, always give him hash words. I know this
man has a lack of confidence at that time. I try to help him out even
we don't move on, I told him to go back to his wife because it seems
he loves her so deeply that he can bear her attitude for 6 years.

Now, it's hard for me because I can figure out if he loves me more than
his ex-wife. If no than I rather not be with him. I always get a feeling
that he loves her too much and that is why he can stand her for such
a long time. But he seems he know that I will take care of him and foget
(forget) about my feelings. (He is wears the pants now). I remember
once we were at the door of a cafe, he suddenly said "can we go
somewhere else? Because I saw my ex-wife's brother". That just
hurts me so much, like a knife in the heart. He explain to me don't
want to social with them, but I was thinking is it the truth that he
doesn't want his ex-wife find out he has got a new gf now?

Time is another fact I can't get over. The longest relationship with
my ex was 4 years. He has been married since he is 23, now he is 30.
I know he can be mature for me because I am only 23. All of my friends
ask me why would I choose a "second-hand" man? I am still
young, looking good, have a bright future...why should I stay and love
this man. I guess it is love.

He told me I treat him a way that no woman treats him nicer than me.
Felt no woman except me loves him that much. Now, the question is: he
is staying with me because I treat him nice or he knows that I love
him so much? Or if I really love me I shouldn't think or mind about
his past? How do I know or find out if he really loves me?

Thanks!


Mich




Dear Mich︰

「二手」男人很好呀!一個結過婚、有經歷的男人,才懂得照顧女人,況且他只比你年長七年,一切看上去也剛剛好。

你也無需理會他對前妻(又或是太太)的感情。任何人也有過去,而舊的感情是會漸漸死亡的。你只要盡力令你與他幸福,便完成你們之間的愛情責任。

你想知他是否很愛你?或許你可以試試讓他在所有方面採取主動,譬如主動致電你、約會你。如果一個男人常常掛念你,他已經是很愛你。

男人的愛,無理由是要生要死的。

深雪覆