We met up when we were colleagues
in late 1999. I was in love with him but dare not to start off because
he's lived with "C", his girl friend already. I know we can
be friends only and never think of being together one day although I
quite like him.
Time flies and can't help controlling
myself till Jun 2000 after we have been arranged sitting next to each
other for a month. He did realize my love towards him and things happened
naturally like group gatherings, then into individual dating. I noticed
he has had quarrels with "C" after our frequent dating for a
month. I never mention because he would let me know if he wants to, I
think he would like to figure it out by that time if he would like to
be with me.
After struggling for 3 months in this love triangle, I have been told
that "C" would leave and fly back Canada. He then proposed a
short trip overseas right after she left. Even I craved for that but I
preferred not going. It seems not good timing at all because I realized
his uncertainty by not calling me up until this holiday plan. However
we did go finally and we broke off upon return to HK around mid Oct 2000
-- I initiated that as he treated me too bad that I can't stand at that
Then there's been a silence until Christmas 2000 and he celebrated my
birthday on New Year's eve. We had a very good time seems nothing has
ever happened. We did not mention anything like patch back just let it
go and roll. I enjoyed so much but being more passive that afraid of loss
this time. Unfortunately one day in Feb 2001, I surprised to learn that
"C" has back for a while which I never notice of and one thing
even shocked me -- she lived with him AGAIN. Everything seems back to
the same scenario......
I realize that I'm not in a good position in this relationship even I
have put in too much. I just hope this would fade out one day as I still
love him a lot. I then hold back everything but stay in touch with him
as a normal friend.
One day in Jun 2001, I was more than happy to know that this method has
been proved workable -- he finally broke off with her and he's then with
me. She's moved out and we were together but I still keep my own house
(within 3 min. walking distance). We were happy together and he's quite
satisfied for what I have done and sacrificed for him. But talking about
feelings he's still not as strong as me (can tell). Sometimes I feel that
we are in different pace and believe in different love direction which
may not work in a long term basis, but one thing I have to agree -- we
feel so good and match in terms of sexual desire and more than satisfied
Unfortunately, we had a long talk
recently and he decided to leave me alone and don't want to waste my time
-- I am almost 30 and he said he can't fulfil my requirement to a certain
love level. I was upset but no alternatives. I never force someone doing
something they don't want to, same thing implies on myself as well. I
am on my own again. In fact, I don't feel sorry for losing him. I just
feel sad after so much effort has been put in, we still can't work out.
To be frank, I still love him a lot but I hate suffering.
Two weeks away from the broke-off
day now, he came up last night for some minor stuff which I thought was
an excuse and he stayed overnight with me finally. We were having 4-hrs
sex (the longest time we have) and both slept very tight and sweet till
the next day morning. He's guilty but don't know what's next. I beg him
to think thoroughly what's his priority. But I know, when the next time
he came up, it would be the same -- we are stuck.
Zita, what do you think? I appreciate
your input, thanks.