特殊關係 – 覆Irene

Hi Zita,

I have a problem here hoping
that you can help me. Firstly, I'll like to know, can a couple still
be friends even after break up? Even if its not with a silence break
or smooth breakup? For my case, I've been with my ex for about 9mths
till he requested for a breakup with the reason that he feels

he's not suitable for me. At
the very 1st beginning, I can't take it & keep on trying to request
for a patch back & the true reason behind. But after about a month
of cooling down & ignorance from him, I've think thru & learnt
to accept the fact. But as we are both working in the same company,
we'll be able to meet each other very often & sometimes needs to
co-operate because of work.

So actually, I've managed to control myself of not asking anymore about
the past relationship & lastly only hope that we can both still
be friends after the breakup as I feel that none of us was to be blame
as nobody was wrong for the past relationship & believe that actually
we will be able to be friends as we are very good friends before the
relationship starts.

Then I started to approach him & react normally every time when
I met him. At the very 1st few mths, I'm still feeling very hurt as
I notice that he keeps on avoiding me & treats me like a stranger.
But after a few talk & probably a few mths of cooling down (him)
too. He started to begin accept me as a friend & treats me better.
But I can still feel/notice that he still think in the way that he don't
believe that I can accept the fact & change my feelings towards
him so quickly as he'll still be very careful of what he says &
do to me. I understand why is he so & just reacted normally. Luckily
its changes better & better after a period. Till now its about 10mths
of breakup & normal friendship with us, I thought that he had totally
believe in me & can take me as a good friend already. As during
this period we can actually had lunch together, watch movie & even
travel oversea with only the 2 of us without any problem occurs. Until
now then I notice its not really true, as 1 day on my birthday, I have
a small request towards him of accompanying me to play at a beach side
& he agrees.

But on that day he ask me whether can he ask other along, I refuse &
tell him the true that I hope that we can just go together without others
along as I may feel very embarrass even if I know the people. Then he
started to feel weird about this & keep on pushing me for a reason
on why cannot there be others around & why I want only the 2 of
us. We nearly have a quarrel about this. I believe he begin to be suspicious
of me again...& is trying to avoid me again. I'm feeling very bad
& confuse now as to see that everything seems to change back to
the past time again after all the afford that I've done previously.

Can you tell me what I can do now? Is it really something wrong with
my request? Or is it really something wrong with me or him? What do
you think he is thinking? Can I get to maintain the friendship with
him? Actually my friends tell me that its hard/not possible to get back
to friends after a breakup. Is it true? Please help me...I really wish
that we can still be friends even if we cannot be lovers....

Hope to hear from you soon... sorry about the long long passage....


Irene



Dear Irene︰

友誼不是霸佔。從你的舉動中,你倆仍然有那拍拖的痕蹟。坦白說,兩個人出雙入對,又沒有其他人的介入,與拍拖無異。

就算你立心決定只與他做回朋友,你也是那種霸道的朋友,只許你與他單獨相對。

他對你仁至義盡了。如果你真想與他有機會長久見面,就不要霸住他。

他心目中的朋友模式,大概只是做對最普通的朋友。


深雪覆

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