Confused relationship – 覆Confused Mi

Dear
Zita,

I started to read your articles
for a long time ago. I keep reading them everyday since I've 2 weeks
sick leave and always online at home. I think you're sure to be the
one to help me.

I found I fall in love to my colleague since May this year. I have joined
this company since March last year and him even earlier than me. We
are

from different departments
and therefore we seldom talk not even say hi. He was nothing special
to me in the past. However, since early May this year, everything has
changed cause he's moved to the building I'm living in now.

For the first few times we saw each other in the bus/ bus stop, we talked
when we were standing close but not to talk when we were standing far
away. He's a person seldom talks in the office, he only talks to people
that he likes and be very cool to other people that he hates. Just started
from the first time that we talked, he was so nice to me and he always
asked me questions, he was never passive to me. At the very early stage,
we even discovered that we were Primary school classmates but just we
didn't realised!

During the early stage, when I didn't see him in the bus stop, I have
started to look for him around. Then, I think after several times we
couldn't see each other in the bus stop, he asked for my phone number
and would like to call me if he couldn't find me in the bus stop. Very
soon, we have even agreed to meet up in the building lobby at 8a.m.
everyday when we need to work. When he's ready to leave home, he'll
give me a call first.

Since he used to be late sometimes, in order not to make me late to
work, he requested me to give him morning call. He requested once, twice…and
then one day he said he needs my call everyday! From then onwards, we
bought breakfast together everyday and sometimes we went out to have
breakfast secretly. We only had a few phone conversations when we went
back home but we have some calls during the office and he comes to my
deak (desk) sometimes to chat. We may meet during Sunday snd (and) I
have been to his house several times (he requested). Started from this
time, there were rumors about us. I did care about it so I request to
meet somewhere other than the office when we go out for breakfast/lunch/go
home. But he never mind about the rumors! He said he has freeom (freedom)
to choose his own way of doing things. And I found him cares more about
his appreance afterwards. I remember one time I forgot to turn on the
phone, he waited in the lobby, when he saw me, he showed me his phone
record that he had called me for 8 times.

In fact, I had a boyfriend with me for 3 years already but we had big
problem for more than 1 year. We were about to break up. Started from
May, I was thinking about which one to choose and I think I love my
colleague more than my boyfriend. Everything was going fine and smooth,
on 11 June, my boyfriend requested to break up with me, I agreed, then
we broke up. I was not too sad as we had problem for so long and the
problem was who to request a break up. On the other hand, I was happy
to break up cause I found myself loving another one.

However, 2 days later when I talked to my colleague about the break
up. He said something to me that broke my heart! He said it was good
for me to break up since we didn't love each other anymore. He also
told me that he has broken up with his ex-girlfriend more than 1 year
but he still has very close relationship with her. It was her girlfriend
requested to break up since he couldn't spend much time with her. They
speak to each other like lovers over the phone but behave like good
friends when dating. He said he's still loving her and she's still loving
him he thinks, cause if she can find someone better she won't behave
like this. He also said one day when he earns more money, he may get
her back! You know, it was really a big big shock for me!

After this, I told myself that he treats me like friend and I shouldn't
think about any other things else but I couldn't! He behaved in the
same way after my break up. We again, meet at the lobby, had breakfast
together.

Started from late June/early July, one day he requested me to give him
english tuition every Tuesday and Thursday until the end of this year,
I agreed. During the tuitions, we were very happy and we enjoyed it
a lot. He even suggested we should buy a save-box to save up the penalty
(the penalty that he has the dictation wrong).

This Monday, I had a surgery, he requested to visit me in the hospital,
I rejected since I won't need to stay overnight. He then requested to
visit me at home. He said I'm one of his very best friend now, he'll
dress up to come to my house, I rejected too. Eventually, he did give
me a call at 3p.m. just the time I told him earlier that I will finish
my surgery. He didn't call me during Monday night. He then called me
on Tue night asked me to dine out with him but I had my dinner already.
I asked him to come to my house to visit me, he said he just had sun
burn, he looked ugly. I called him Wed afternoon, he said he'll come
to my house. When he was on his way back home, he called again to re-confirm
his visit. However, he couldn't come lastly since there was a fight
between his family members, he needed to see when the problem settle
down and when it was settled, he'll give me a call. At 11:15p.m., I
called and we had 20 mins talk over the phone, he said he'll call me
the next day. This is already Fri night, I still haven't received his
call.

At the time I had tuition at his house, he called me when I went back
home to see if I was safe. Sometimes, when he has problem, he calls
to seek my advice. Sometimes, when he's waiting for his friends, he
calls to have a chat with me. Last week, he needed me to put on lipstick
and kissed on a tissue (He needed this for his graphic design). He even
asked me to finish his revenue/tax application form. Most of the times,
when he promises to give me a call back, he will, but sometimes he won't
and I never ask him why the next day.

Zita, I am too confused now. Does he love me? Or is he still missing
his ex-girlfriend? But he seldom mentions about her to me. I need to
know what he's thinking and what I should do!

Please don't mind reading this long long letter. I would like to make
it shorter but it's already the shortest I can make!

Thanks for your kind attention. Hope to hear from you very soon.

Confused Mi


 



Dear Mi︰

無可置疑,你倆已是十分親密,除了無肉體接觸外,已有如男女朋友。

這種情況,你適宜向他表露心跡,你不如問問他是否想與你拍拖?

有些時候,無謂曖昧,因為只要行多一步,關係已可以大大改進。

他說些甚麼掛念前度女友的話,通通不緊要,很多人,對於舊愛人,口頭上總放不低。但一旦有了更美好的愛情,舊愛人就自然石沉大海。

祝打沉那名一早已該消失的女人。

深雪覆