其實上機前大家也得悉這位月巴先生是個世紀大煩膠：他只飲Diet Coke （若你想死的話，可以嘗試給他Coke Zero）；如果他在睡覺，大概飛機墜毀前三十秒也不能叫醒他；當每人也只有一小包花生時，他卻要一大碗（而倒滿一個拉麵碗最少需要七包）。
“Do you have a minute?” the chief purser mouthed the words, beckoning to me from the other aisle. My heart sank. Apparently she wasn’t going to say, “Oh, I just wanna spend a whole minute complimenting you.” I ducked into the galley, ready for my “Last Judgement”.
“Mr Fatso said your service was really bad, because you collected his empty glass, which disturbed him,” she announced it nonchalantly, as if she didn’t at all find it a problem. I contemplated an answer, wondering if I should pretend to be repentant or regretful. I opened my mouth agape, but nothing came out. Seriously? I helped collect his empty glass so I should be condemned.
The Chief must have sensed that I was staring off in a daze. She quickly said, “He’s kinda weird. Don’t take it too seriously.”
Even before the flight everyone already knew that Mr Fatso was more than some gigantic blob of fat. He was a psychopath – he drinks only Diet Coke (if you give him Coke Zero, he goes hysterical); If he falls asleep, never wake him up (who even cares if you die in your sleep!); When everyone else gets one pack of snacks, he needs a bowl of them (literally! At least seven packs in total).
In short, he’s the centre of the universe. His universe.
He said he decided to eat at the bar counter, standing. My Japanese senior scooted to stand next to him, and the fatty produced his camera from his bag, boasting about his photos taken in the U.S, for almost an hour. Then dessert time came. Once again he said he needed a huge bowl of ice cream. To satisfy the insatiable appetite of the greedy ogre I had to scoop out the ice cream from give small pots and form it an enormous ball. Gross.
It was a 13-hour flight. And I haven’t even finished telling you half of his crimes.
Let’s continue next week. Bye for now!