【eat 飛 love】成田機場神奇安檢

今個星期起我們暫時不談機上的奇人奇事,談談我在日本遇到的千奇百趣。難怪森美小儀的節目長做長有,因為日本實在太多怪誕的事了,今集是關於進入機場前的安檢。

每逢進入日本成田機場,機場警察都會上巴士進行機場安全檢查。我們通常會用職員證或護照來證明自己的身分。而日本人大多會用駕執照。總之有你張相和名字的文件便可以。

安檢是再正常不過的事?因此我們到日本才會這麼安心?神奇的事要發生了。如果你忘記帶passport 或沒有任何身分證明文件,別擔心啊。善良的警察先生會叫你寫個名,便會放過你了。喜歡寫什麼名字都可以。寫個香港人最熟悉的 ─ 吉村春代子,反正你也沒有什麼可以證明你不是春代子小姐吧。

如果你有三十人同行,但只有一個人帶了passport,當然也沒問題。有兩個英語單字會幫到你。「Together. We. Together. Together」這樣說數遍,友善的警察又會放過你了,還會跟你道謝。

為了確保機場安全,警察會打開行李檢查車內的行李。神奇的事再次發生了,一秒,只需一秒,便完成檢查:打開行李箱,指一指,立即關上車尾箱。再加句「ありがとうございます」(謝謝),安檢便完成。如果你殺了人,又突然想帶條屍到機場行個圈?沒問題啦。用塊布好好蓋著就可以了,反正他們只會指一指,行李連碰都不會碰一下的。現在日元大跌,如果你在東京買了十數個炸彈,記得箱子上要寫BOMB,只要不用日語的「爆弾」,也沒有人會留意的。總之是英文的東西,對機場警察來說都是安全的。

盡責的日本機場警察每日便在巴士、貨車和私家車之間來回奔波,進行上述的安檢。所以日本才這樣的安全吧。Salute!

〔如欲閱讀更原汁原味的文章,請按下頁觀看英文版本〕

Amazingly Ridiculous

I probably visit Japan often enough to have noticed things that defy explanation, or even our common sense. So let’s put aside my in-flight insane experiences for a while, and focus on my interesting encounters in Japan. It’s about the security check of Narita Airport today.

I still find it bemusing that tourists have to go through a security check to enter Narita Airport. The airport police get onto buses to check travellers’ passports or anything that can identify them. Fair enough? That’s why Japan is such a safe country? Here’s the puzzling, if not utterly ridiculous part: if you’ve left your passport at the hotel, or don’t even have your Hong Kong identity card with you, don’t panic. You will be asked to write down your name on a piece of paper. Just write Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber or Mother Fucking Jones and you will be totally fine. You don’t have anything that proves you are no M.F Jones, do you?

If there are thirty people travelling with you, and you happen to have only one passport, it’s apparently okay, too. Just say in English several times, “together, we, together, together.” Trust me, the police will really let you go.

The police will also, ostensibly, check the luggage in the boot for about, one second. They open the door of the boot, do the Japanese style pointing, close it immediately and say “ありがとうございます” (Thank you very much). Killed someone and suddenly wanna go for a walk with the body at the airport? Make sure you keep your new “companion” safe and sound in your suitcase. What can they see in one second anyway? Carrying some bombs with you? Feel free to put an enormous sticker that says B.O.M.B in English on your bags. As long as it’s in English, the police can’t care less!

Many thanks to the Narita Airport Police for perpetuating this very smart security check system every day to make Japan the safest place in the world!