【eat 飛 love】月巴先生

「可否跟你說兩句?」日本呀姐在機槍另一邊的通道低聲說,揮手示意我到廚房那邊。本少心情一沉。各位打工仔,當老闆這樣說,相信你都不會以為她打算頒個「最佳員工獎」給你吧?我低著頭走入廚房,等待「最後的審判」。

「月巴先生投訴你的服務很差,因為你收了他的「吉」杯,對他造成嚴重騷擾。」呀姐皺著眉說。
「So?妖!」我差點衝口而出。通常客人都只投訴服務慢,服務員不幫忙收拾桌上東西等,本少也是首次因為收掉客人的「吉」杯而被投拆。但畢竟我也帶給呀姐麻煩,心想是否也應扮個日本風「囧」樣道個歉。可是只想唱句「朋友你太戇X, 但我講出口又怕你嬲。。。」本少與呀姐暫時沒有對話的空間。

其實上機前大家也得悉這位月巴先生是個世紀大煩膠:他只飲Diet Coke (若你想死的話,可以嘗試給他Coke Zero);如果他在睡覺,大概飛機墜毀前三十秒也不能叫醒他;當每人也只有一小包花生時,他卻要一大碗(而倒滿一個拉麵碗最少需要七包)。

總括來說,他簡直就是日本軍國主義的餘孽。

他突然決定要在吧檯旁站著進食。日本呀姐立即飛奔到他身旁服侍,欣賞他在美國旅遊時拍下過萬張的照片,手掩著半邊嘴「優雅」地細聲講大聲笑。當然我們也得無奈地接下她原來的工作。一小時後終於是甜品時間。零食要一碗,當然雪糕也要一大碗。全世界也只有一小杯哈根達斯雪糕時,我卻要把四五杯雪榚「炒」成一個大球給他。

各位旅客,我們的客機將會在七小時後到達日本,「直航殺機」才剛開始。。。

下星期繼續 一天少爺大戰月巴先生!

〔如欲閱讀更原汁原味的文章,請按下頁觀看英文版本〕

“Do you have a minute?” the chief purser mouthed the words, beckoning to me from the other aisle. My heart sank. Apparently she wasn’t going to say, “Oh, I just wanna spend a whole minute complimenting you.” I ducked into the galley, ready for my “Last Judgement”.

“Mr Fatso said your service was really bad, because you collected his empty glass, which disturbed him,” she announced it nonchalantly, as if she didn’t at all find it a problem. I contemplated an answer, wondering if I should pretend to be repentant or regretful. I opened my mouth agape, but nothing came out. Seriously? I helped collect his empty glass so I should be condemned.

The Chief must have sensed that I was staring off in a daze. She quickly said, “He’s kinda weird. Don’t take it too seriously.”

Even before the flight everyone already knew that Mr Fatso was more than some gigantic blob of fat. He was a psychopath – he drinks only Diet Coke (if you give him Coke Zero, he goes hysterical); If he falls asleep, never wake him up (who even cares if you die in your sleep!); When everyone else gets one pack of snacks, he needs a bowl of them (literally! At least seven packs in total).

In short, he’s the centre of the universe. His universe.

He said he decided to eat at the bar counter, standing. My Japanese senior scooted to stand next to him, and the fatty produced his camera from his bag, boasting about his photos taken in the U.S, for almost an hour. Then dessert time came. Once again he said he needed a huge bowl of ice cream. To satisfy the insatiable appetite of the greedy ogre I had to scoop out the ice cream from give small pots and form it an enormous ball. Gross.

It was a 13-hour flight. And I haven’t even finished telling you half of his crimes.

Let’s continue next week. Bye for now!